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Thursday, November 10, 2011

comparisons.



today i got in the shower this morning. no shampoo. so i had to streak across the bathroom while naked, freezing and soaking wet. i went to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. no peanut butter. and jelly sandwiches suck. i had a meeting with a catered lunch from subway (fancy). i was one of the last people to arrive and the only pieces of the party sub that were left were the bologna pieces. bologna. don't get me wrong, i still ate it, but i felt like a five year old.

the moral of these anecdotes is not that i need to buy groceries. the moral is that there were a lot of things that happened today that could have created a 'bad day.' but i still consider today to be a good day.

and here's why. while i was eating my jelly sandwich on the way to work, i stopped by speedway to treat myself to a cappuccino. as i was paying, the cashier looked at me and said "oh my god, you look just like adele."

and i take that as a compliment.

as i was driving to work, i started thinking about the other celebrities to whom i have been compared. it's a diverse list.

when i was in fifth grade there was a girl who always called me tommy boy. because i looked like chris farley.

and i don't take that as a compliment.

once upon a time, the cool thing to do on facebook was to change your profile picture to the celebrity you most closely resemble. i used the celebrity look alike generator and it spit back 5 of my celebrity lookalikes. i used this picture:

not the most flattering, but it was a photo that i had on hand. the celebrity look alike generator told me i look like:

beyonce!? alRIGHT! i love the celebrity look alike generator! apparently beyonce and i are an 81% match. the generator is filling up my self-esteem bucket to the brim. let's see who my #2 celebrity lookalike is...

um, exsqueeze me? kevin costner and i are an 80% match. are you telling me, celebrity look alike generator, that a mere 1% separates foxxy cleopatra, lieutenant john dunbar and me? that's shady business, celebrity look alike generator. shady business.

celebrity lookalike #3...

j.k. rowling. 80% match. i guess i'm indifferent on this one, but it doesn't feel great being compared to someone two decades older than me. whatev, at least she's a woman (kevin costner, you guys).

celebrity lookalike #4...

courtney love. 80 % match. oh great. she's a train wreck. the hits just keep on coming.

aaaaaand the icing on the cake. celebrity lookalike #5...

vince freaking vaughn. who, just in case you didn't notice, has a 'y' chromosome. remember that self-esteem bucket i've been carrying around? the celebrity look alike generator just round house kicked it out of my hand.

let's review, shall we? i have been compared to seven people in my lifetime. three of these people have been men. very masculine looking men. one of these people is pre-menopausal. one of these people is famous for looking like a disaster. and one of these people is beyonce.

the mantra that's running through my head on repeat: at least one person in the world thinks you look like adele...at least one person in the world thinks you look like adele...at least one person in the world thinks you look like adele...

...adele...

...adele...

...kevin costner...

...adele...

brother from another mother.

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