remembering grandma.

this post is for me, but you can read it, too.

my grandma, june ray, died on thursday january 20th, 2011. it's been a week and i've had time to cry and mourn the loss with the comfort of my family surrounding me. a lovely visitation and mass were held to celebrate grandma's life on earth. the love that was shown by family and friends from near and far overwhelms me. many of the people who showed their support never knew grandma, but they knew that she was a cornerstone of our family.

grandma came to live with my parents when i was a freshman in high school. i knew her well and she knew me well. she loved me unconditionally and i loved her, too, but sometimes i struggled to show my love. it seems silly now. death seems bigger. and death makes you forget. it's easy to remember a lot of the good times that were shared with the ones we love, but it makes you forget the individual ingredients that make the whole. i don't want to forget grandma's quirks the way that i'm slowly forgetting those that belonged to my other grandparents. i don't want to forget:

• calling her "gama goon"


• she was so excited to have a granddaughter when i was born


• watching her apply makeup


• getting on the elevator to visit her at work in ann arbor


• picking out a prize at her office and thinking it was worth a million bucks


• she gave me my first diary. it even had a lock on it


• her irish pride scattered all over her home


• she let me put her sweetener in her coffee for her when i was young. it was magic.


• watching the sound of music with her


• her fear of snakes


• looking forward to eating her homemade christmas candies every year


• her love of sweets in general. the way she sometimes pronounced "cookie" as "cooooky"


• i wrote an essay in middle school about her called "my american hero"


• the pain of dialysis


• she was the food network's biggest fan


• she went to china once. so she became an expert...on ALL things chinese


• we both graduated from marygrove college (she earned her bachelor's and i earned my master's)


• listening to her tell stories about her long, childhood braids


• riding a tandem bike with her on mackinac island. she did all the work...


• losing my patience too easily when we lived together


• not always understanding her


• not visiting her enough


• spending time working with her in ann arbor when i was young


• she introduced me to jeff daniels because i was too nervous to do it myself


• doing fake sign language with her because all ray women are deaf


• her primary color sweater


• her rainbow bright visor


• she always ordered "that thing i like" from 84 east


• grandma picked me up from the airport when i returned from spain. it was the first time i saw her cry


• she tried to force me to drink a margarita when i returned from vienna. i didn't have an id yet...


• looking for meaningful rocks for her garden


• playing with paper dolls


• building a fort out of your refridgerator box


• she had an entire highway built for her. or so she thought...

i don't want to forget how well my parents took care of my grandma. they often had to sacrifice by putting her needs in front of their own. because it was the right thing to do. they've taught me what it means to care for someone.

i love you and i'll miss you. i didn't say it enough, but nobody ever does.