adios, twinner.

last week i graduated to a big girl bed. it only took me 25 years to do so. better late than never, right? you met my little twinner bed here. 376 west 33rd street is proud to play host to my grandma's antique bedroom set. according to my dad, my great grandparents bought the set (which includes a bed, two bed tables, two dressers and a mirror) from an estate sale in 1944. it was definitely not a new set when they purchased it, so it's safe to say that the set is nearly a century old. because it's so old, i'm not going to ruin the integrity (i've always wanted to say that--what gives wood integrity, anyways? it's lofty code of ethics?) by painting it. however, the wood could use some cosmetic surgery in the form of refinishing the stain. nothing major, just a little lunch time botox. i only snapped some snaps of the bed, so i can't show you the entire room. but now that i have the furniture in the room, it inspires me to slap some paint on the walls and have an actual bedroom instead of the idea of a bedroom. revolutionary, i know.

here's where i'm stuck: what freakin' color do i paint the walls? here's what i'm thinking: a super super super light purple. kind of like you don't even know it's purple because it's so light. OR a super super super light yellow. yellow scares me because it's kind of like the scene from the sandlot where the boys bring chewing tobacco to the amusement park: a little bit goes a long way and you can end up tossing your cookies if you overindulge. you're welcome for the sandlot reference. i've had a yellow bedroom before, so i'm speaking from experience. i also like the idea of orange. a deep orange. and i know what you're thinking. why not gray? you know how i feel about gray. i love him. but i don't want to overdo it with him. my bathroom is gray, my dining room will be gray and my kitchen will be gray. so he is not invited into the bedroom. i'm not a gray hussy. so what do you think? purple? yellow? orange? something else? take a look at my bedding and see what you think, keeping in mind that there will be a lot of dark wood in the space.

and while we're on the subject of bedding, let me end with a fervent belief: there is a hell. in this hell, we are forced to fold fitted bedsheets over and over again. and i fail every time. after washing many loads of sheets last week, i had to own up to the fact that i am a big, sloppy mess when it comes to folding a freaking fitted sheet. i even watched youtube videos to perfect my technique, but in the end all i have is a linen closet full of beautifully folded flat sheets and pillow cases and fitted sheets that are crumpled up into little balls of shame shoved into the back of the closet. if you come to visit, we might have a "princess and the pea" situation. those grand canyonesque wrinkles might make your sleep a painful one. my bad.

martha can take that fitted sheet and choke on it.

so let's review. i need two pieces from advice from you:

a) what color should i paint my room?

b) how in the h-e-doublehockeysticks do i fold a fitted sheet?