i spoke too soon. much too soon.

you GUYS!

if you haven't read yesterday's post, please stop what you're doing and read that one first. for those of you who did read about my ongoing battle with mother nature and her furry friends, you'll probably recall that i said bad things usually happen in threes. the deer, the turkey and the squirrel. it turns out i was wrong. oh so very wrong.

last night i had a bat situation.

i was hanging out with my mom in the family room after her birthday extravaganza. mom had her hockey, gerty had her gas problem and i had my blogs. i finished writing about my problem with mother nature, hit the publish button and set the computer down to pretend like i understood what was happening on the television. no more than ten minutes had passed when a freaking bat came swooping through the basement. mom and i both saw the furry little devil bird at the same time and started screaming like crazy people. my scream was a laugh/scream. mom's scream was a 'someone call an exorcist' scream. gerty thought it was a game. of course.

while mom hid under the blanket and continued to scream, i pulled a sweet stealth maneuver and ran out of the house to get my little brother, who lives in the apartment that is attached to my parent's house. we searched the garage for proper bat killing weaponry (apparently my idea of using shovels was stupid) and settled on racquetball gear. matt and i entered the bat zone fully loaded and licensed to kill. we crept down the stairs where mom sat in the corner like quasimodo, all hunched over under her blanket. after a few minutes, the bat resurfaced, matt took one giant swiped and knocked the life right out of that little sucker. it wasn't until that very moment that gerty realized there was another creature in the house. awesome guard dog.

oh, and did i mention that i had my camera handy?

when you discover that there is a bat in your house, it's important to practice the proper stance. cover your boobs and look terrified.

it's also important to make sure you are equipped with proper bat armor when you creep through different rooms searching for the bat. if you are brave enough.

the key to proper bat wrangling is posture. you want to make sure you get low to the ground. but remember, bat killing is all in the wrist. if you have time, do some squats and don't forget to stretch.

if you follow the previous steps, you should be left with one dead bat. the technique is pretty unbeatable. be careful because this is the point where your great dane will want to use the bat as a chew toy. don't let her because that crap is nast.

so there you have it. i'd like to say that mother nature is done chucking animals at me, but i know better than that. i'm off to elephant-proof my house.

oh, and in case you're still keeping score (and i know you are),
mother nature: 2 sarah: 1 matt: 1