our worst day.

it's me: gerty. i'm filling in for mom today. she can't come to the computer right now because she's just too mad. you see, every time she looks at me, a huge, creepy vein bulges out of her neck and she mutters something under her breath that sounds like "whyioughta..."

the day started out pretty well. i let mom sleep in. i entertained myself while she took a shower. i let some squirrels in the front yard know who's boss by barking my face off. when mom was finished getting ready, i went straight to my cage without putting up a fight so she could run some errands. then she came home and that's when things went downhill. freaky fast.

mom walks in and lets me out of my cage. i'm so freaking excited that i whack my tail on the door frame and start bleeding. i forget that mom tells me to 'sit' and 'stay,' so i accidentally run down the white hallway and smear blood all over the walls. my bad. so mom puts me outside. to make up for the tail incident, i decide to help mom get a jump start on her spring gardening by digging a huge hole in the back yard. she doesn't seem too impressed, so she calls me back in. unfortunately, on the way back inside, i step in a big pile of poop. while mom tries to wipe my feet off, i pull a sweet stealth maneuver and wiggle out of her arms. in doing so, i track some sweet poo smears all over the dining room and living room. back outside i go. i'm out there for about 45 minutes while mom scrubs my stank out of the carpet. she lets me back in after scrubbing, vacuuming and swearing. i feel so bad about the whole situation that i start to feel sick to my stomach. so i puke. in the living room. i try to eat it really fast so mom won't know what i did, but her spidey senses are tingling and she knows what i did. back outside i go. mom scrubs, swears and vacuums again. i don't mean to be bad. i really don't. but dogs will be dogs.

i'm hanging low for a little bit while mom finishes swearing and crying. i'll try extra hard to be good tomorrow. after all, how bad can i be while i'm in my cage? now you'll have to excuse me. my tongue has an appointment with my butt.