the know nothing know-it-alls.

let me tell you about "walter" and "wilma" (names have been changed to protect the annoying).

walter and wilma are a married couple who work out at the same gym as me. i'd guess they're both in their early sixties. i've been to the gym four times this week (don't worry, i don't think hell has frozen over) and every time i get there, no matter what time of day, walter and wilma arrive around 15 minutes before me, according to the sign-in sheet.

when i arrived on monday, walter and wilma were working with the free weights on the other side of the gym with their backs turned toward the t.v. i assumed they weren't watching, so i took the liberty to change the channel to the today show. no sooner did i hit the button when walter drops (literally!) his 8 lb. weight and shouts from across the gym "um, miss, we're watching that." i absolutely hate confrontation so i apologized profusely and changed the channel back to PBS. no biggie, right? i mean, i like me some rick steves' european adventures every now and then.

the next three days when i arrived, walter and wilma were already there, plopped on the cardio machines directly in front of the one i like to use, so i had the opportunity to pass the time by listening to their PBS commentary:

while watching a cooking show

walter: what kind of meat is that? chicken?

wilma: no, it's pork.

false. the chef was preparing salmon.

different day, same cooking show. the chef is preparing brisket.

wilma: you should make that sometime.

walter: but what would we do with all the leftovers?

wilma: maybe make some of those mexican fajitas.

she pronounced the 'j' in fajita. so it sounded like 'vagina.' and really, wilma? as opposed to russian fajitas?

while watching a travel show that takes place in germany

walter: i'd like to go there, but i would have to learn french first.

nope. just german.

while stretching after using the elliptical.

wilma: my biceps are killing me.

while rubbing her quadriceps.

i'm sure i'll see walter and wilma tomorrow morning when i go to the gym, which is bittersweet. bitter because i'll have to suffer through more PBS. sweet because their level of expertise on all things food travel kills me.

dare me to change the channel on them?