a walk to remember.

three notable things happened on tonight's walk downtown with gertrude:

1) gerty carried a dead fish all the way from kollen park to the peanut store. sorry, fabianos, for the present you're likely to find outside your front door tomorrow morning.

2) gertrude made her thirst well known by drinking from a drinking fountain. the people kind. that a small child happened to be drinking from at the exact same time. the kid exhibited excellent sharing skills and took gerty's intrusion like a champ.

3) we witnessed a near murder.

let me explain scenario three a bit further for you. gerty and i were walking west on 12th street on the edge of centennial park. about a block behind us i could hear some pretty intense screaming and yelling going on. and that screaming and yelling was gaining on us. i looked over my shoulder and noticed a man and very pregnant woman on bicycles who were pedaling our way. they just so happened to be african american. and gerty just so happens to be racist, so she was growling her face off. their conversation went something (almost word for word) like this:

woman: i told you not to even look at nikki!

man: b*&^%, please. i didn't even go near that b!@#$.

woman: aw f#$% that! i heard from three people that you been textin' her naked pictures...

me: crap. there's going to be a murder. crap. there's going to be a murder. crap. i don't have anything to wear to court. CRAP. there can't be a murder.

mid profanity, the majorly pregnant woman stops and looks at gerty.

woman: awwww, what kind of dog is he?

me: she's a great dane.

man: baby, we need to get us one of those. d#$%, that dog is big!

me: awkwardly laughing.

the woman takes out her cell phone and has her baby daddy pose next to gerty for a picture. keep in mind, gerty is still growling like the racist dog that she is.

the couple rides away on their bikes, picking up their near fist fight right where they left off. f-bombs and all.

thank you, gertrude, for keeping me from appearing in court as a key witness in a murder case. the last thing i want to do is go shopping for a new power suit.

i owe you a treat.