a very sad day.

spoiler alert: the dog is fine, but i'm still a basket case.

there i was, taking a shower and thinking about all of the work that still needs to be done in my dining room. it was gorgeous outside, which means that gerty was begging to be outside all day long, so she was hanging out on her chain in the back yard while i was busy cleaning the stank off of me. i had just put the conditioner in my hair when i heard an awful, blood curdling yelp coming from my precious pooch. i'm not being dramatic when i say it was one of the worst things i had ever heard. i ran--no, sprinted--to help gerty and found her with her tail slammed in the back garage door. i'm guessing the wind blew it shut and she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. when i opened the door, thick red blood poured down her tail and left a trail of crimson puddles all around the garage floor.

oh, did i mention i was butt naked when i did all of this? i pray to god none of my neighbors reported me to the police for indecent exposure. i was literally in the middle of the backyard, naked as a jay bird with conditioner running down my face. not. cute.

after i came to my senses and put some clothes on, i called my mom and started bawling. i somehow managed to squeak out through my ugly girl crying sobs that gerty was bleeding to death in the back yard. like the good grandmother that she is, she dropped what she was doing and rushed over to help me calm gerty and bandage her tail. when you have a dog the size of a human, bandaging a sensitive appendage becomes a two man job.

again, gertrude is okay now, but i keep hearing her horrible yelp over and over in my head. i was sure another dog was attacking her or she had broken her collar and was hit by a car. so i suppose it could have been worse. scary stuff.

poor gerty girl. poor neighbors who might have seen all of my lady parts.